girls and tattoos

well, I’ve been thinking to have a tattoo on my back.. but since I have my dad back and we have a good relationship now, I need to rethink about it over and over again. well my dad is a HAJI now.. there’s few things about me that he wish he could change it : makes me praying and makes me stop smoking.. those two things are utterly difficult for me. but maybe I should give it a try..

now, about having an everlasting scar on my body.. a tattoo .. it’s no big deal for me because having a tattoo is like having something to reflect who you are or maybe to keep some memories living. but it’s different if you want tattoos for lifestyle or other reasons.. well that’s your business.

I really want to have a tattoo that can reflect who am I and use it to encourage myself and to remind myself of where I am or what is my goal of living on this earth.. something simple but paints a thousand words.

a lot of guys don’t like girls with tattoos on their body, am  I right? at least for some guys in Indonesia. they think it’s a forever scar and a girl with scar is unpretty. some other guys think that a girl with one or more tattoos means that she’s too wild and has bad attitude and rude behavior. but some can accept it with open minds (trust me, less than 10%), they listen and see the stories and they understand.. drama huh? but that’s what girls like me need.. a MAN that can understand that every action we’ve taken is for some reasons.

a lot of opinions come along the girls with tattoos on their bodies.. it’s not that we are rebel or what, but sometimes we, girls, need to stand for herself against anything, against jerks, against assholes, against harassments. and what does a tattoo do for it? it makes us feel stronger and maybe safe.. something that maybe you guys can’t give.. poor them? no.. they have their right to do everything with their body.. it’s a mind set about having a pretty nice girl that ruins about the “beauty” itself, one thing that you only can find when you spend your time talking to her and know her deeper.

but well, every one has their own opinion so no pressure, no offense

still confused about making one somehow.. any idea?

5 Q’s About Love

have you ever questioned your heart if you love someone or not..? or maybe if she/he loves you or not? that is pretty torturing, huh?

let’s get back to the main question here before you ask yourself those questions above…. WHAT IS LOVE ?

Before you read my opinions about love, let me tell you that this is my personal opinions that I earned from what I see, I hear, I look, and I feel from my stories and some of my friends stories.. and I don’t mean to be the Love Doctor whatsoever.. hey it’s my blog anyway.. so here we go, case by case..

Question #1 : Is love everlasting ?

Yes and No. It depends on how you maintain your emotional bound to each other feelings.. If you both can make and want to make it work then the love is all yours. If there is one of you (between couple) that have had enough about your relationship, because it’s boring, afraid of being hurt again, tired because you feel like you’re the one who always give in.. hey, call it off! Love doesn’t count any sweat at all..  Love expects nothing in return . Love is everlasting if you want to make it happen and if you are ABLE to make it happen.

Question #2 : When do you know that what you feel is LOVE ?

when you just hang out together only the two of you and you feel really happy and comfy being with him/her .. OR .. when you’re surrounded by a lot of people but you both feel like the world belongs to just the two of you. simple.

Question #3 : does JEALOUSY mean LOVE ?

YESSS!! because seeing him/her with somebody else really stab your heart deeply and you are jealous because you think you’re the one that he/she needs and you can make him/her happier if she’he is with you.. but you need to wake up from your own state of mind.. not every case is true. Sometimes you need to accept the truth and the fact that he/she is not happy with you unless he/she is totally a jerk !

Question #4 : LOVE is blind, is it true?

love doesn’t make people blind.. we are being stupid and that makes us “blind” . Love is not all about heart, it’s a balance combination between heart and brain,, between feeling and logic . so don’t ever blame “love” because you feel it and you think that makes you blind.. it’s you being stupid. period!

Question #5 : why is it so hard to let love go?

because LOVE pampers you a lot . and you are a lot too much getting used to it, being pampered by the one you love. this is not just for girls but also for boys.. enjoy being pampered, but don’t let it rule you . you have to be able to stand on your own feet with or without being pampered..

so that’s all from me.. thank you for visiting my blog, hope you enjoy it

No Love For Now

tell me I’m cruel and have no heart.

I choosed to leave a guy who loved me for who I am because I can’t stand living and walking with another shadow in my life..

I can’t live everyday with my thoughts of him that I should talk to him just to make him happy and comfort.

He whined a lot about his job while I don’t have time and don’t have any space left in my brain to be filled with someone else’s stories and burdens..

Since i really love what I do (work) I feel like I turned out to be more cocky and arrogant maybe, but I just didn’t feel that comfort anymore keeping my relationship with him..

I lost the fun side

I lost the love feeling

and I let him go

It’s been a month and I just want you all to know that I am happy being alone right now, but yes, sometimes I want a boyfriend or just someone to hook up.

But in my condition, I don’t think I’m able to be involved in a serious relationship. I work hard , and my job has abducted 90% of my thoughts space.

I need to feed my family and keep my sister in a good school. That’s not easy when your dad left you when u were 10, your mom has no job, your brother dropped out, and your little sister still in junior high.

But guys come and go like seasons. I was crazy with a football guy from Cameroon, but he taught me well, I’m a strong lady now and never ever beg him anymore. and so I treat the other guys.. if they lied to me, for example he said he is saving now to get to your country and marry you, but then you saw his status in facebook changed in to “in a relationship with XXX” .. I removed him from my friends list on facebook.

Another case : I have a best friend, and one day he said he actually loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no, because for me it’s weird to have a special relationship with your best friend who you already know too much ! on the next day I met him and talked about job.. I had a chance to see his phone, and I found out from his messenger that he already has a gf.. BUSTED!

He didn’t want to admit it, he said they just made up last night after I dumped him >> you guys don’t think I trust it right?

Few days later I talked to my best friend (girl) which is his ex in high school. She said she called him 3 weeks ago and found out that he already has a gf.. JERK ! He lied to me again.. the fact is he asked me to be his gf, while he already has a gf.. !

But that’s life.. and guys will be guys ..

I don’t even really care if there is a good guy for me whatsoever..

I don’t think I still have LOVE to share

just let it be

Kalau Binatang Punya Facebook

Kalau binatang pada punya facebook, kira-kira statusnya apa yaa??

 

- Anjing Pudel : lagi nunggu mau ke salon nih…

- Kecoak : Baru aja slamet dari injekkan maut !

- Sapi : Aku diraba-raba lagi oleh majikanku

- Kucing : Anak gue yang kelima barusan nanya siapa bapaknya. gw bingung mau jawab apa, gw sendiri lupa bapaknya siapa

- Nyamuk : Ane positif HIV AIDS boooo !!

- Ayam : Teman-teman.. besok kalo gw ga update status facebook gw, berarti gw udah di goreng… i luv u all.. T__T

- Cumi-cumi : abis isi ulang tinta nih !!

- Kambing : bentar lagi Idul Adha.. Sh*t !!!

Me In Motion

after back home from shopping , now its time for me to take some pics
thanks to COTTON.INK Fringe Shawl which is really2 FABULOUS

Just bought it from BRIGTSPOT MARKET – Grand Indonesia

 

A-Dancer-Wannabe

 

In MOTION

Lemar-Time To Grow

Last night I tried but I couldn’t sleep
Thoughts of you were in my head
I was lonely and I needed you next to me
Life is harder since you left
I never meant to do you wrong
And now all is said and done
I hope you won’t be gone too long/ No

[Chorus]
Where do I go
What do I do
I can’t deny I still feel something
And girl, I wish you could say you feel the same
You’ve broken the bond
I gotta move on
But how do I end this lonely feeling?
You’ve gone, I’m here, alone
I guess it’s time to grow

I try to speak, but my words never catch the air
Like you never knew I was there
Take me back to the days when you really cared
Can we make love re-appear?
I can’t go on the roads too long
And now all is said and done
I can’t go forward if my heart’s still where i’m coming from

[Chorus]

Crying time is over
I know I can’t control her feelings
If she won’t return, then I guess I’ll be a man
and move on

Time to grow / And move on
Make life better than it was before
Time to grow and move on
Make love better than I did before [repeat]

Though you’ve gone / And I’m here, alone
I guess it’s time to grow

Regretful Aisyah

after acting like a whore, and considering myself as a NUMB person, i felt like hit by something enormous and painful.

I treated him like a trash, abandoned and ignored him like he didn’t exist while he was waiting for me and hoping me talking to him.

I did some mistakes . You can all say it by “cheating” .

I felt like I want to leave him and start a new happier and free life >> which actually a NUMB and WILD life.

We broke up. and then all seems to be more dark and I have noone to count on too.

I felt so painful and really wanna cry out loud but then I asked myself : “this is what you wished for, then why are you crying?”

So emotional, I blocked his friends from facebook because they made me terrified with saying bad things about me (which is kinda true), and its so painful and caused my heart torn apart. Because the way they mocked me adn the way they protect him, I figured that I hurt someone who has been always loved me, sacrificed for me, do everything he can to make me happy and to show his love.

It’s more painful when he told me he doesn’t want us to really lose our contact. He wants us to still keep in touch. I want to fix everything with him, I would beg him if I need to just to make him stay and not go away from me.. but he forgave me. where on earth i can find this guy.

I cried when I talked to him these past 3 days.. the more he treats me nice, the more I cry blaming myself for what I did to him.

I love him..

when the love has gone

Everything in my life seemed has fallen apart since the tragedy 17 July 2009 — Ritz Carlton-Marriott Hotels bombing.
My 5 months works just ended with nothing. It beat me like hell when i heard the news that Manchester United FC canceled their tour to Jakarta because of the bombing.

Since that day i feel so down and empty.
I lose my faith in me
I lose my faith in my coworkers
I lose my faith in my boyfriend
I lose my faith in everything

No one seemed can cheer me up and wake me up from the grave. I spent lots of my time with my coworkers, because they know exactly how i felt. I didn’t need any support from everyone.. I just needed to hang out and get some fun.
I wanted to forget every memory and every thing.. included my feeling.

Having a lot of fun make me forget everything. yes i did it.
I enjoy myself with my friends and never worry too much about someone that i hurt the most.
“I’m not into someone else ..” once i said to him.
That’s not a lie.. even I slept with that guy and spent 1 night together, i feel nothing.
From that night , I realize.. I’M NUMB.

I don’t have any feeling to anyone.. I’m not into anyone
Nothing or no one distracts my mind, except for family matters.

I have to bring this burden along with the pain i felt for myself.
I have to help my family paying every bill, house-hold necessity, sisters school, etc.
I’m the backbone for my family right now, because no one in my family really make money.
Then I think I have to eliminate one of my problem…

He has been the best and the nicest boyfriend i ever have..
He did nothing wrong but not being here..
I feel so empty with our relationship, because there’s nothing you can do when you say you love someone but he’s so far away and you can’t touch him or feel him..
My love feeling has faded away along with my faith in us

I can’t blame him if he’s not here.. i know he tried hard for it..
But i just can’t wait any longer. I don’t want to wait no more.
Better to find myself single than you know you have a boyfriend but you can’t be with him (what kind of love would that be?)
I don’t want to push him to make any sacrifices for me anymore.

I chose to eliminate him..
Separated .. i believe it’s the best way for us.

Still, until now, I haven’t talked to him about this . we haven’t talked for days or maybe weeks, I don’t remember.
It’s really hard for me to say how i want to break up with him.
But i don’t want to make him waiting in vain .

Dear God, I don’t know what to do..

How Insensitive

maybe some of you recognize this lyrics. this is exactly how i feel .

How insensitive I must have seemed when he told me that he loved me
How unmoved and cold I must have seemed when he told me so sincerely

“Why” he must have asked, did I just turn and stare in icy silence?
What was I to say? What can you say when a love affair is over?

Now he’s gone away and I’m alone with a mem’ry of his last look
Vague and drawn and sad I see it still, all his heartbreak in that last look

I feel like I’m the most evil person . i don’t want him to wait any longer .. cause it will bring pain to him, and i don’t want to hurt him again.

My outfit today

hari ini pake baju baru yang baru gw “beli” di Zara heheheheheh..

trus tadi pagi liat nyokap gw beli headband/ bando yang aneh gitu, and i found it really cute when i wear it as a mini scarf or chocker.. hahaha

pas berangkat ngantor, nyokap gw bengong.

hihihihii

<img src="” alt=”my outfit today 2 July 2009″ />